Day one: ten things you want to say to ten different people right now

1. Sometimes I wish you would decide to come home for entirely selfish reasons. Like, for instance, how I've never had a can't-live-without-each-other-glued-together-inseparable best friend and you are mine. You're it for me. You're my other half, you're all I need to make my bad days a little better. Your ridiculous antics and self-diagnosed flaws are a perfect puzzle fit to mine. More often than not, I wish you were here more than I wish anyone were here.
2. I've given up on hating everything you are because it's not worth it. We're much better off as the close friends we once were, but sometimes I just can't stand you.
3. You're on my mind more than I'm comfortable admitting to. The most minute details in my daily life remind me of you and make me miss you so much my heart hurts. I won't admit to anyone directly that you have anywhere near this big of an effect on my life.
4. I think you are an amazing person. I think you sell yourself short too often, and I think a lot of your friends do too. At least that's how it used to be. And for your sake, I hope it isn't anymore. You're one of the most genuinely beautiful people I know.
5. I'm not sure when my interest in you turned to genuine dislike, but I do not like you anymore. You're honestly hardly even worth a remark, but I'll go there. You're a lying, self-serving bastard in every sense of the word so I'm still shocked that there are people in your life who trust you at all. I deleted your number yesterday. I hope to never hear from you again. PS. It's not bad luck when you're just a piece of shit.
6. I wish you could handle being friends better than you do. I'd like to be your friend. I just can't deal with feeling like that awful bitch who broke your heart and ruined your life. PS, I'm sorry for all the things I've done that hurt you. You're a masochist for loving me.
7. Sometimes the smallest things can make me cry because of you, like how my laundry doesn't smell quite like yours anymore or how your mom van drove past me today but it didn't have your license plate and it certainly wasn't you. There are days when there's a knock at the door and more than anyone else, I wish for it to be you.
8. I love you, and I hope you can change your life around. If not for yourself, for him. He's too young and too beautiful to be fatherless.
9. I wish I saw you more often. You're my best friend of nearly half of my life and I love you so much. Some of the best times of my life were spent with you, and I want you to be there for them all. You will be my maid of honor someday. You will be there pulling crazy antics with me when we're seventy. You'll be there through the lows and highs. You will be my best friend forever.
9. I hope you realize that I really do love you. I'm sorry I'm not a very good friend and neither are you. I wish we had decided to love each other on the same level at the same time. I'm going to miss you.
10. I don't know what it is about you, but I just can't get tired of you. Despite all the awkward situations your fights with friends have put me in, I still love you. You are my only friend here who I feel this way toward. Something about you is so genuine and it reminds me of where I come from. I'm so glad we're friends.

I'm going to do this.

to do:
Day One: Ten Things You Want To Say To Ten Different People Right Now.

Day Two: Nine Things About Yourself.

Day Three: Eight Ways To Win Your Heart.

Day Four: Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot.

Day Five: Six Things You Wish You Had Never Done.

Day Six: Five People Who Mean A Lot.

Day Seven: Four Turn Offs.

Day Eight: Three Turn Ons.

Day Nine: Two Smileys To Describe Your Life Right Now.

Day Ten: One Confession.

Today's conclusion:

there is nothing worse than a person who won't let you care about them.

I'm officially tired of the mundane relationships I choose to entertain with people who don't deserve my time. I've spent 8 months on various people who can't make up their mind about anything, can't commit, can't can't can't. I'm sick of making excuses for other people's actions. I think it's time to find someone worth keeping around. When it comes down to it, I think I'm afraid that I'll be alone forever. What scares me the most is that I have no idea why I would deserve that, at all. Why I can look around me and see the most obnoxious, insanely bitchy girls with boyfriends but I'm not that way at all and what does that mean for me? Honestly, the fact that I'm even admitting this to myself makes me feel a little nauseous. I need something to change.

There are so many profanities I want to throw in your face in a fit of rage. So many things I want you to see but know you never will.

Every time I meet someone who swears they can never trust again because one person betrayed that trust, I curse myself. I am convinced that these people are the worst kind. There is nothing worse than a person who swears he cannot trust, because it is almost certain that he will act untrustworthy.
So what if you don't think you can trust me? You can. Shouldn't I have a say in this, too? While you're busy not trusting me, your demeanor is breaking me into tiny fragments of who I want to be with you. If you want to believe in someone, you can't push them away forever. You're going to be alone forever. I don't want to think the same of myself.

Let me in. Let me in. Let me in.

I looked at you and you looked back at me, with that look you always have and I always want to tell you about but never do.

It seems that there are so many things I want to say to you, but you render me speechless every time. You are beautiful in so many imperfect ways.

I'm not a crier. I don't cry about feelings. Not mine, anyway. I cry over every movie ever made, over the tears of others, over frustrations.

But you know those days when you feel like you could put on the saddest music you can possibly think of and drown yourself in self-pity and pathetic (and probably fabricated) misery?
Yeah, me too.