Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Day Ten: One Confession
I really am one of the most positive people you will ever meet, but I'm not really always happy. I almost always say I am, but it's not true as often as I say it. I just really believe that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it. I tell myself I'm happy every time I tell other people I am, and eventually you start to feel that way most of the time. This isn't to say that I'm actually an unhappy person or I'm unhappy with my life (neither of which are even close to true) but I really think that habit can make you really believe it. I don't complain about the mundane details of my life that could be considered negative because really, what does it matter? I'm so fortunate for so many things and I simply choose to be happy.
I know this is a little extreme, but I'm a big believer in free will and I don't actually think it's that hard to be what you want to be or feel how you want to feel. The process of controlling emotions is relatively similar to the process of controlling anything in your life.
I know this is a little extreme, but I'm a big believer in free will and I don't actually think it's that hard to be what you want to be or feel how you want to feel. The process of controlling emotions is relatively similar to the process of controlling anything in your life.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Day Nine: Two Smileys To Describe Your Life Right Now
:)
Always.
X X
O zZzZzZz...
My best attempt at an overtired, sleepy face.
Always.
X X
O zZzZzZz...
My best attempt at an overtired, sleepy face.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Day Eight: Three Turn Ons
1. A fun personality. Someone who is funny as well as spontaneous and enjoyable to be around. I really enjoy being with the kind of person that a lot of people like being around, too. I can't imagine myself with someone who doesn't make me laugh hysterically or have a silly sense of humor like I do.
2. Pleasing facial features. I have to be a little superficial here. I'm a sucker for pretty eyes... especially bright eyes and dark hair. OH. And please don't have fucked up teeth, k?
3. Good taste in music. I really think it says a lot about your personality in general, but I also really like someone who can tell me about new music I'll like, etc.
2. Pleasing facial features. I have to be a little superficial here. I'm a sucker for pretty eyes... especially bright eyes and dark hair. OH. And please don't have fucked up teeth, k?
3. Good taste in music. I really think it says a lot about your personality in general, but I also really like someone who can tell me about new music I'll like, etc.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Day Seven: Four Turn Offs
1. I've said this a million times, but I'll say it again. I can't stand guys who claim that they can't trust anyone because one person broke their trust in the past. I don't care how many people have hurt you. Get over it. That doesn't mean shit about the next person you're going to meet and it sure as hell doesn't mean anything about me. I'm not her. Also, in my experience, it's these people that are actually the most untrustworthy themselves (go figure). On that note, I also can't stand ex-girlfriend drama. Yeah, I get it, you care about her a lot and you dated for a long time and she was the only girl who was "different" and you loved her. Yup. Been there, too. But at some point you need to learn to put the past in the past before it closes doors in your present and indirectly, your future. People need to learn to let things go so they don't hold themselves back from people with someone who is right for them. Drives me nuts.
2. Extreme arrogance and/or cockiness. I guess mostly because these generally lead to asshole tendencies. I'm glad you're confident and you think you're great, but that doesn't give you the right to walk all over other people or treat them like their feelings mean nothing. I promise you, you're not that attractive. You're not that interesting, or talented, or funny, or popular. Confidence is sexy. Arrogance is repulsive.
3. Lack of depth. If you can't hold a conversation about anything deeper than your plans this weekend, no thanks. I don't care what you're interested in, but I do care that you can talk about it and express yourself. I don't think I could ever be with someone I couldn't talk to for hours, if we wanted to. I think it's a part of chemistry, too. It coincides with being with someone who makes you feel comfortable. It also coincides with intelligence. Moral: if you're not intelligent and can't hold an intelligent conversation, I'm going to get bored of you.
4. Bad taste in music. Sounds trivial, but the type of music you like seriously says bounds about the kind of person you are. If we like similar music, or hell, even if you like something other than JUST country or JUST shitty radio rap.... you have a pretty decent chance of being an interesting person.
2. Extreme arrogance and/or cockiness. I guess mostly because these generally lead to asshole tendencies. I'm glad you're confident and you think you're great, but that doesn't give you the right to walk all over other people or treat them like their feelings mean nothing. I promise you, you're not that attractive. You're not that interesting, or talented, or funny, or popular. Confidence is sexy. Arrogance is repulsive.
3. Lack of depth. If you can't hold a conversation about anything deeper than your plans this weekend, no thanks. I don't care what you're interested in, but I do care that you can talk about it and express yourself. I don't think I could ever be with someone I couldn't talk to for hours, if we wanted to. I think it's a part of chemistry, too. It coincides with being with someone who makes you feel comfortable. It also coincides with intelligence. Moral: if you're not intelligent and can't hold an intelligent conversation, I'm going to get bored of you.
4. Bad taste in music. Sounds trivial, but the type of music you like seriously says bounds about the kind of person you are. If we like similar music, or hell, even if you like something other than JUST country or JUST shitty radio rap.... you have a pretty decent chance of being an interesting person.
Day Six: Five People Who Mean A Lot
First of all, I've been looking forward to this one. I'm not exactly known for being the most emotional friend and I tend to be bad at telling people they mean a lot to me. So here goes nothing :)
1. My mom. Almost anyone who knows her can attest to the fact that she is the most giving, loving and genuinely kind person in the world. And those that would disagree can agree that when she does things that appear unkind, it's always out of love in some way or another (maybe even a little too much love at times). She is my best friend and my most trusted confident, the one person I could not imagine my life without.
2. Torri Hawley. One step below my mom, because she is about as close to my mom as a friend can get. Honestly, despite all of her shenanigans, I couldn't ask for a better friend. I couldn't even dream up a better friend if I tried. She is always there for me and is always by my side no matter what the activity. I truly think that if Torri Hawley decides you are worthy of her unconditional love and friendship, then you've really been graced with something incredible. I'm not really even sure how to put into words how much I love you, because "I love you" will never be enough with a friendship as great as ours and a friend as great as you.
3. Katrina Rojo. She's been my best friend for nearly a decade and despite all the changes our lives have been through, I love her exactly the same as I did when I met her back in 6th grade. Someday she will be my maid of honor and I hope to be her's. She is one of the only people (in addition to the two above) who know me completely, down to my mannerisms and tendencies and flaws, and I know her just the same. More importantly, we've always neutralized each other. When I'm with Katrina, I feel grounded. I feel like myself. She's the closest thing to a sister I've ever had.
4. This is going to be a few people grouped together, for reasons you'll see shortly :)
Anyone I spend a significant amount of time talking to regularly. These people change a lot, and some of them become good friends and some of them don't, but this really means a lot to me. It's actually kind of silly, but these kinds of people are an odd necessity in my life. And these people also tend to be people I see rarely or randomly, but always have a lot of fun with. Also important to me. I guess at this point in my life this person would probably be Todd... I think anyone who knows anything about my life probably knows that.
5. My true friends at school. I've made a lot of friends here, but I also spent a lot of my high school years figuring out the hard way who real friends are. Good, right? Kind of. It's sort of a curse in disguise, because I've gotten uncomfortably good at spotting the characteristics of true friends and not-so-true friends. This makes it hard here sometimes when I'm feeling really lonely because I have tons of friends and very few real ones. And then there are those who are often borderline good friends, or those I don't want to admit are bad friends, etc. College is really tough, when you think about it. How many of your friends would stay in with you on a Saturday night because you had the worst day ever or you're really sad or upset about something? I think your honest answer will disappoint you and make you think a little bit.
That being said, I just want to thank Myriah Borofka, Megan Landry, Mia Hanekamp, Rachel Pannu and Stacy Solo for being the most obvious true friends I have here.
1. My mom. Almost anyone who knows her can attest to the fact that she is the most giving, loving and genuinely kind person in the world. And those that would disagree can agree that when she does things that appear unkind, it's always out of love in some way or another (maybe even a little too much love at times). She is my best friend and my most trusted confident, the one person I could not imagine my life without.
2. Torri Hawley. One step below my mom, because she is about as close to my mom as a friend can get. Honestly, despite all of her shenanigans, I couldn't ask for a better friend. I couldn't even dream up a better friend if I tried. She is always there for me and is always by my side no matter what the activity. I truly think that if Torri Hawley decides you are worthy of her unconditional love and friendship, then you've really been graced with something incredible. I'm not really even sure how to put into words how much I love you, because "I love you" will never be enough with a friendship as great as ours and a friend as great as you.
3. Katrina Rojo. She's been my best friend for nearly a decade and despite all the changes our lives have been through, I love her exactly the same as I did when I met her back in 6th grade. Someday she will be my maid of honor and I hope to be her's. She is one of the only people (in addition to the two above) who know me completely, down to my mannerisms and tendencies and flaws, and I know her just the same. More importantly, we've always neutralized each other. When I'm with Katrina, I feel grounded. I feel like myself. She's the closest thing to a sister I've ever had.
4. This is going to be a few people grouped together, for reasons you'll see shortly :)
Anyone I spend a significant amount of time talking to regularly. These people change a lot, and some of them become good friends and some of them don't, but this really means a lot to me. It's actually kind of silly, but these kinds of people are an odd necessity in my life. And these people also tend to be people I see rarely or randomly, but always have a lot of fun with. Also important to me. I guess at this point in my life this person would probably be Todd... I think anyone who knows anything about my life probably knows that.
5. My true friends at school. I've made a lot of friends here, but I also spent a lot of my high school years figuring out the hard way who real friends are. Good, right? Kind of. It's sort of a curse in disguise, because I've gotten uncomfortably good at spotting the characteristics of true friends and not-so-true friends. This makes it hard here sometimes when I'm feeling really lonely because I have tons of friends and very few real ones. And then there are those who are often borderline good friends, or those I don't want to admit are bad friends, etc. College is really tough, when you think about it. How many of your friends would stay in with you on a Saturday night because you had the worst day ever or you're really sad or upset about something? I think your honest answer will disappoint you and make you think a little bit.
That being said, I just want to thank Myriah Borofka, Megan Landry, Mia Hanekamp, Rachel Pannu and Stacy Solo for being the most obvious true friends I have here.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Day Five: Six Things You Wish You Had Never Done
1. Wasted too much time on people who don't deserve it. Honestly, I still do it. I can literally name the people in my life that probably don't deserve me wasting my time on them. I'm guilty of it almost all the time. But there are those few, you know, who you just REALLY wasted too much time on and put too much effort into. It makes me wonder what my life would be like now if I hadn't limited my options then.
2. Quit things when I was younger. I'm such a quitter sometimes. I wish I didn't quit instruments because I didn't want to practice, or dance because I didn't want to practice, or soccer when I started young because I didn't want to practice. I'm so lazy. It's awful.
3. Thrown away things I want now. Like old CDs or things I can't just buy again. That being said, I don't want to be a hoarder... so I suppose I wish I had known what NOT to throw away so that I could have those things now.
4. Told so many boyfriends that I loved them. I've never dated someone who didn't tell me that they loved me, and it's just SO awkward to not say it back. But now I wish I hadn't. I know this isn't true, but it makes me feel as if love has no meaning to me. And in some respects that might be true, but only because I feel like I've never seen love work out. But I still believe in it, so I wish I would have been more selective with the word.
5. I wish I hadn't been so close-minded and reserved as a teenager. I was very stuck in my ways and always saw my views and opinions as superior to other people's. I still have a lot of the same values as I did then, but now I realize that it's okay for people to have different values or not place such heavy emphasis as I do on mine. For example, I used to really dislike people who smoked weed. I don't know why anymore. I've never done it and still think it's a little silly, but that's never a good reason to judge other people for doing what they want. Most people are actually SURPRISED that I don't smoke weed (mostly because everyone seems to but also because apparently I seem "the type"). That's just an example, but I wish I hadn't been so uptight and close-minded about weird things in high school.
6. Fucked up my freshman year of college. Don't get me wrong - I had a blast. But it was all pretty superficial. Getting drunk every weekend is not ALL I'm about. I'm into a lot more things than that and I wish I had known then that it's okay to stay in sometimes. It's okay to want a night to yourself or to watch movies or go to sleep early just because. I wish I had concentrated on school more so I didn't have to struggle with those choices now. I was lucky to have made some of the most amazing friends in the world, though. :)
2. Quit things when I was younger. I'm such a quitter sometimes. I wish I didn't quit instruments because I didn't want to practice, or dance because I didn't want to practice, or soccer when I started young because I didn't want to practice. I'm so lazy. It's awful.
3. Thrown away things I want now. Like old CDs or things I can't just buy again. That being said, I don't want to be a hoarder... so I suppose I wish I had known what NOT to throw away so that I could have those things now.
4. Told so many boyfriends that I loved them. I've never dated someone who didn't tell me that they loved me, and it's just SO awkward to not say it back. But now I wish I hadn't. I know this isn't true, but it makes me feel as if love has no meaning to me. And in some respects that might be true, but only because I feel like I've never seen love work out. But I still believe in it, so I wish I would have been more selective with the word.
5. I wish I hadn't been so close-minded and reserved as a teenager. I was very stuck in my ways and always saw my views and opinions as superior to other people's. I still have a lot of the same values as I did then, but now I realize that it's okay for people to have different values or not place such heavy emphasis as I do on mine. For example, I used to really dislike people who smoked weed. I don't know why anymore. I've never done it and still think it's a little silly, but that's never a good reason to judge other people for doing what they want. Most people are actually SURPRISED that I don't smoke weed (mostly because everyone seems to but also because apparently I seem "the type"). That's just an example, but I wish I hadn't been so uptight and close-minded about weird things in high school.
6. Fucked up my freshman year of college. Don't get me wrong - I had a blast. But it was all pretty superficial. Getting drunk every weekend is not ALL I'm about. I'm into a lot more things than that and I wish I had known then that it's okay to stay in sometimes. It's okay to want a night to yourself or to watch movies or go to sleep early just because. I wish I had concentrated on school more so I didn't have to struggle with those choices now. I was lucky to have made some of the most amazing friends in the world, though. :)
Day Four: Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot
1. All of the things I have to do that day/that week/whatever. There's literally so much on my agenda ALL THE TIME that my mind is just one big whirlwind of plans.
2. My friends. Not kidding when I say that if I know one of my friends is probably having a rough day or is sad, etc... it will cross my mind multiple times. That's probably when you'll get a text from me.
3. My mom. There's at least 5 things per day that I want to call and tell her. I usually do.
4. My future and what the hell I'm doing with it.
5. How tired I am. I don't sleep. I'm a vampire.
6. Things I want to buy but probably don't need. Lately this has been concert tickets. But I've finally bought a sufficient number of them that I'm feeling okay about it.
7. Money and how I have none, ever.
2. My friends. Not kidding when I say that if I know one of my friends is probably having a rough day or is sad, etc... it will cross my mind multiple times. That's probably when you'll get a text from me.
3. My mom. There's at least 5 things per day that I want to call and tell her. I usually do.
4. My future and what the hell I'm doing with it.
5. How tired I am. I don't sleep. I'm a vampire.
6. Things I want to buy but probably don't need. Lately this has been concert tickets. But I've finally bought a sufficient number of them that I'm feeling okay about it.
7. Money and how I have none, ever.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Day Three: Eight Ways To Win Your Heart
1. Be passionate about something. I don't care what it is, but there's nothing worse than someone who doesn't have any passions or interests. It's especially nice if you are passionate about something different from what I'm passionate about, because I like to learn about new things.
2. Don't be boring. Be spontaneous. There's nothing better than someone who is down for anything. That being said, be willing to stay in and just chill with me too. Versatile is the word I'm looking for, I think.
3. Care, but don't be annoying about it. Clingy and hyper-sensitive people are really annoying but it's also annoying to deal with someone who constantly acts like they don't care.
4. I care about the small things and minor details, a lot. Enough said.
5. Respect the things that mean a lot to me, as well as the people who mean a lot to me. Let me have my own opinions and a life separate from you sometimes.
6. Notice the small things that I really take pride in. There are so many aspects of my personality and opinions, etc. that I always secretly hope other people will notice. It makes me really happy when someone actually notices these things.
7. Be my best friend. I could never be with someone I couldn't spend hours talking to or have tons of fun with. If you don't make me laugh, it's not going to work. Basically if you don't meet all the qualifications of a best friend, you're probably not going to win my heart.
8. Be honest and trustworthy. I don't like bull shit and I've dealt with enough of it in the past, so I really only have tolerance for people who don't need to lie for no reason. I really think dishonesty is pointless and untrustworthiness is one of the worst qualities a person can possess.
2. Don't be boring. Be spontaneous. There's nothing better than someone who is down for anything. That being said, be willing to stay in and just chill with me too. Versatile is the word I'm looking for, I think.
3. Care, but don't be annoying about it. Clingy and hyper-sensitive people are really annoying but it's also annoying to deal with someone who constantly acts like they don't care.
4. I care about the small things and minor details, a lot. Enough said.
5. Respect the things that mean a lot to me, as well as the people who mean a lot to me. Let me have my own opinions and a life separate from you sometimes.
6. Notice the small things that I really take pride in. There are so many aspects of my personality and opinions, etc. that I always secretly hope other people will notice. It makes me really happy when someone actually notices these things.
7. Be my best friend. I could never be with someone I couldn't spend hours talking to or have tons of fun with. If you don't make me laugh, it's not going to work. Basically if you don't meet all the qualifications of a best friend, you're probably not going to win my heart.
8. Be honest and trustworthy. I don't like bull shit and I've dealt with enough of it in the past, so I really only have tolerance for people who don't need to lie for no reason. I really think dishonesty is pointless and untrustworthiness is one of the worst qualities a person can possess.
Day two: 9 things about yourself
1. I'm obsessed with being independent, at all costs. My biggest fear is vulnerability and I very rarely imply to anyone that I depend on them in any manner. Sometimes it's even difficult for me to depend on my true best friends simply because I'm so fixated on the idea of being completely independent and untouchable.
2. My least favorite kind of people are those who insist that they can't trust anyone because one person betrayed their trust. Please, everyone has that "one person," but that doesn't mean they should apply to everyone.
3. I think of honesty as a highest virtue. I'm not perfect by any means (and I commit my fair share of dishonesty), but I almost always think that it's the best policy. Blunt honesty doesn't offend me long-term. I'd rather know the truth initially than be fed lies I'll eventually figure out anyway.
4. I generally think very logically and factually. The biggest two exceptions probably lie in my firm belief in ghosts and the value in astrology. Aside from that, I'm about as logical as they come.
5. I genuinely appreciate the smallest things in life. They make me happier than anything else. The simple sound of trees ruffling in the wind or leaves crunching at the start of fall can (and often do) optimize my entire mood. I'm always happiest outdoors, enjoying the simplicity and beauty of nature and the minute details in life that we often overlook.
6. I'm extremely realistic but also extremely optimistic and positive. I'm rarely ever in a bad mood, and if I am it's usually over something trivial (but short-lived) or pretty serious. It takes more than you can comprehend to ruin my day.
7. I know myself better than anyone else. There are a few people who know me extremely well, but I know myself inside and out. Generally insults and criticisms don't phase me very much because I already know all of my faults better than anyone else possibly could. That being said, I'm a huge advocate of constant self-improvement.
8. I really think that 95% of people can be almost entirely figured out within the first 15 minutes of knowing them. Everything a person proclaims about themselves or the world they perceive around them says bounds about the person they truly are. Most people are extremely easy to read, and trust me... most people do not make for very interesting books. If I can't solve your life story in 15 minutes, I'm interested. If I like what I read, I'm interested. The world is full of boring, monotonous people and I don't consider myself one of them, therefore I'm only truly interested in those who aren't, either.
9. I love change. It's honestly the one thing I am constantly looking forward to. I'm the type of person who is always looking toward the future, always looking for how things can change. I'm easily bored in many ways, so change is almost always exciting and motivating (even though it sometimes scares me, too).
2. My least favorite kind of people are those who insist that they can't trust anyone because one person betrayed their trust. Please, everyone has that "one person," but that doesn't mean they should apply to everyone.
3. I think of honesty as a highest virtue. I'm not perfect by any means (and I commit my fair share of dishonesty), but I almost always think that it's the best policy. Blunt honesty doesn't offend me long-term. I'd rather know the truth initially than be fed lies I'll eventually figure out anyway.
4. I generally think very logically and factually. The biggest two exceptions probably lie in my firm belief in ghosts and the value in astrology. Aside from that, I'm about as logical as they come.
5. I genuinely appreciate the smallest things in life. They make me happier than anything else. The simple sound of trees ruffling in the wind or leaves crunching at the start of fall can (and often do) optimize my entire mood. I'm always happiest outdoors, enjoying the simplicity and beauty of nature and the minute details in life that we often overlook.
6. I'm extremely realistic but also extremely optimistic and positive. I'm rarely ever in a bad mood, and if I am it's usually over something trivial (but short-lived) or pretty serious. It takes more than you can comprehend to ruin my day.
7. I know myself better than anyone else. There are a few people who know me extremely well, but I know myself inside and out. Generally insults and criticisms don't phase me very much because I already know all of my faults better than anyone else possibly could. That being said, I'm a huge advocate of constant self-improvement.
8. I really think that 95% of people can be almost entirely figured out within the first 15 minutes of knowing them. Everything a person proclaims about themselves or the world they perceive around them says bounds about the person they truly are. Most people are extremely easy to read, and trust me... most people do not make for very interesting books. If I can't solve your life story in 15 minutes, I'm interested. If I like what I read, I'm interested. The world is full of boring, monotonous people and I don't consider myself one of them, therefore I'm only truly interested in those who aren't, either.
9. I love change. It's honestly the one thing I am constantly looking forward to. I'm the type of person who is always looking toward the future, always looking for how things can change. I'm easily bored in many ways, so change is almost always exciting and motivating (even though it sometimes scares me, too).
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Day one: ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
1. Sometimes I wish you would decide to come home for entirely selfish reasons. Like, for instance, how I've never had a can't-live-without-each-other-glued-together-inseparable best friend and you are mine. You're it for me. You're my other half, you're all I need to make my bad days a little better. Your ridiculous antics and self-diagnosed flaws are a perfect puzzle fit to mine. More often than not, I wish you were here more than I wish anyone were here.
2. I've given up on hating everything you are because it's not worth it. We're much better off as the close friends we once were, but sometimes I just can't stand you.
3. You're on my mind more than I'm comfortable admitting to. The most minute details in my daily life remind me of you and make me miss you so much my heart hurts. I won't admit to anyone directly that you have anywhere near this big of an effect on my life.
4. I think you are an amazing person. I think you sell yourself short too often, and I think a lot of your friends do too. At least that's how it used to be. And for your sake, I hope it isn't anymore. You're one of the most genuinely beautiful people I know.
5. I'm not sure when my interest in you turned to genuine dislike, but I do not like you anymore. You're honestly hardly even worth a remark, but I'll go there. You're a lying, self-serving bastard in every sense of the word so I'm still shocked that there are people in your life who trust you at all. I deleted your number yesterday. I hope to never hear from you again. PS. It's not bad luck when you're just a piece of shit.
6. I wish you could handle being friends better than you do. I'd like to be your friend. I just can't deal with feeling like that awful bitch who broke your heart and ruined your life. PS, I'm sorry for all the things I've done that hurt you. You're a masochist for loving me.
7. Sometimes the smallest things can make me cry because of you, like how my laundry doesn't smell quite like yours anymore or how your mom van drove past me today but it didn't have your license plate and it certainly wasn't you. There are days when there's a knock at the door and more than anyone else, I wish for it to be you.
8. I love you, and I hope you can change your life around. If not for yourself, for him. He's too young and too beautiful to be fatherless.
9. I wish I saw you more often. You're my best friend of nearly half of my life and I love you so much. Some of the best times of my life were spent with you, and I want you to be there for them all. You will be my maid of honor someday. You will be there pulling crazy antics with me when we're seventy. You'll be there through the lows and highs. You will be my best friend forever.
9. I hope you realize that I really do love you. I'm sorry I'm not a very good friend and neither are you. I wish we had decided to love each other on the same level at the same time. I'm going to miss you.
10. I don't know what it is about you, but I just can't get tired of you. Despite all the awkward situations your fights with friends have put me in, I still love you. You are my only friend here who I feel this way toward. Something about you is so genuine and it reminds me of where I come from. I'm so glad we're friends.
2. I've given up on hating everything you are because it's not worth it. We're much better off as the close friends we once were, but sometimes I just can't stand you.
3. You're on my mind more than I'm comfortable admitting to. The most minute details in my daily life remind me of you and make me miss you so much my heart hurts. I won't admit to anyone directly that you have anywhere near this big of an effect on my life.
4. I think you are an amazing person. I think you sell yourself short too often, and I think a lot of your friends do too. At least that's how it used to be. And for your sake, I hope it isn't anymore. You're one of the most genuinely beautiful people I know.
5. I'm not sure when my interest in you turned to genuine dislike, but I do not like you anymore. You're honestly hardly even worth a remark, but I'll go there. You're a lying, self-serving bastard in every sense of the word so I'm still shocked that there are people in your life who trust you at all. I deleted your number yesterday. I hope to never hear from you again. PS. It's not bad luck when you're just a piece of shit.
6. I wish you could handle being friends better than you do. I'd like to be your friend. I just can't deal with feeling like that awful bitch who broke your heart and ruined your life. PS, I'm sorry for all the things I've done that hurt you. You're a masochist for loving me.
7. Sometimes the smallest things can make me cry because of you, like how my laundry doesn't smell quite like yours anymore or how your mom van drove past me today but it didn't have your license plate and it certainly wasn't you. There are days when there's a knock at the door and more than anyone else, I wish for it to be you.
8. I love you, and I hope you can change your life around. If not for yourself, for him. He's too young and too beautiful to be fatherless.
9. I wish I saw you more often. You're my best friend of nearly half of my life and I love you so much. Some of the best times of my life were spent with you, and I want you to be there for them all. You will be my maid of honor someday. You will be there pulling crazy antics with me when we're seventy. You'll be there through the lows and highs. You will be my best friend forever.
9. I hope you realize that I really do love you. I'm sorry I'm not a very good friend and neither are you. I wish we had decided to love each other on the same level at the same time. I'm going to miss you.
10. I don't know what it is about you, but I just can't get tired of you. Despite all the awkward situations your fights with friends have put me in, I still love you. You are my only friend here who I feel this way toward. Something about you is so genuine and it reminds me of where I come from. I'm so glad we're friends.
I'm going to do this.
to do:
Day One: Ten Things You Want To Say To Ten Different People Right Now.
Day Two: Nine Things About Yourself.
Day Three: Eight Ways To Win Your Heart.
Day Four: Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot.
Day Five: Six Things You Wish You Had Never Done.
Day Six: Five People Who Mean A Lot.
Day Seven: Four Turn Offs.
Day Eight: Three Turn Ons.
Day Nine: Two Smileys To Describe Your Life Right Now.
Day Ten: One Confession.
Day One: Ten Things You Want To Say To Ten Different People Right Now.
Day Two: Nine Things About Yourself.
Day Three: Eight Ways To Win Your Heart.
Day Four: Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot.
Day Five: Six Things You Wish You Had Never Done.
Day Six: Five People Who Mean A Lot.
Day Seven: Four Turn Offs.
Day Eight: Three Turn Ons.
Day Nine: Two Smileys To Describe Your Life Right Now.
Day Ten: One Confession.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
I'm officially tired of the mundane relationships I choose to entertain with people who don't deserve my time. I've spent 8 months on various people who can't make up their mind about anything, can't commit, can't can't can't. I'm sick of making excuses for other people's actions. I think it's time to find someone worth keeping around. When it comes down to it, I think I'm afraid that I'll be alone forever. What scares me the most is that I have no idea why I would deserve that, at all. Why I can look around me and see the most obnoxious, insanely bitchy girls with boyfriends but I'm not that way at all and what does that mean for me? Honestly, the fact that I'm even admitting this to myself makes me feel a little nauseous. I need something to change.
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