People who are bad at being in relationships really, really bother me. Dating someone doesn't mean you have to suck in every other aspect of life, really. I swear.

3. Your favorite television program.

I don't generally watch a lot of TV, but I have been since I've been in the hospital. I don't really follow any shows besides Gossip Girl, but I've always really liked The History Channel and HGTV. And syfy for the ghost shows. And ABC Family's 13 Days of Halloween :)

2. Talk about your piercings or tattoos, if you have any.

My nose is pierced, which I wanted pierced forever before I actually did it. Other than that my cartilage is pierced twice, once in each ear. One of them I got pierced in Vegas with my cousin. I have my lobes pierced once, which also took me forever to finally do because I've always been afraid of needles.

1. Your middle name, and how you feel about it.

My middle name is Kay. It is my mom and grandma's middle name, as well. It's not very original, but it's meaningful and I like it. I think it's funny that people are always confused when they ask me my middle name and I respond with what they think is just the initial. Why yes, but it is also my middle name. Muahaha.

In other news...

I spend my life at Indie Coffee but never seem to get anything done. I just want to bask in the atmosphere, I think.

I prefer to move on with my life. And regardless of what anyone else decides to do, that's the path I've chosen for myself.

/end

I never pretended like I'm a nice person to everyone in the world. I'm a self-proclaimed asshole.
But I stand firmly behind the statement that strangers and true friends are the only 2 groups of people I am ferociously loyal to, always. So if you think I'm mean or a bad person, it's not that I don't care, generally speaking. I care a lot. I care about things and people and ideas and minute details that I promise you, you will never even begin to comprehend. But I'm not fiercely loyal to everyone in my life, and for good reason. Take from that what you will.

As a side note, everyone is a hypocrite. Including yourself. Any criticism you expend onto others can probably be reflected onto yourself. I may be blunt and unnecessarily harsh and critical at times, but I guess I value the truth and I would expect the same from other people. I'm not making any apologies for that.

People can (and often do) leave your life as quickly as they enter it. Some stay for awhile and others serve their purpose and fade away.
So the majority of the people in my life at any given time will not be here forever, and that's okay with me. Most people are entirely replaceable.

What makes you think you're any different?

I might love you.

Uh oh.

All the lonely people, where do they all belong?

I don't care if I'm mean and it makes you uncomfortable. If you don't like it, you are more than welcome to gtfo (and please do).

I'm becoming one of those bitter "lonely" people. Ew, what is that?


Okay, self. It's time to pull yourself up by your big girl undies, let go of those faux, "but maybe they could be something!" relationships, and move on to something new. I'm really going to let you go. And you. Both of you. You're comfortable, but you don't love me. And you. And you. You love me, but I don't love you.

I'm ready to love somebody who loves me, too. I need to be ready. I need to get out of this rut.

Starting now:
-if you don't text me, don't expect to hear from me
-if you don't ask to see me, don't expect to see me
-it's not my responsibility to make other people care about me the way I care about them

If you don't want me, I don't want you.

You know what I find amusing?

Why, okay, I'll tell you.

It happens quite often, in fact. Which is really unfortunate for a good half of the population.
Okay!
Enough mystery and suspense!
I'll tell you already!

It's really amusing when a boy just happens to wind up in the life (and/or bed) of a girl he thinks is just fine, dandy and rational (enough, for a female anyway)...
but unbeknown to him, that bitch is crazy in its purest form.

You poor, poor soul. All of you who fall for the toils and tricks of the deranged and backward female mind.
I'm not trying to say I'm immune to the occasional bout of crazy, but you have no idea what you're getting yourself into.

As a side (yet related) note, what's with females and their creepy statements like "I want a baby!" or "ooh maybe I should buy an engagement ring for myself?" No, bitch. You're insane.

I think, for the first time all year, I'm going to put in a movie, and read a book. Of choice. For fun.

Reading for fun? How profound!

You are an atrocious human being and I feel genuinely sorry for anyone who crosses your unfortunate path.

Good riddance.

I have spent the majority of this day on the verge of tears...



...and this is a bit unsettling.

You don't realize, but it doesn't matter.

I Wrote This For You.

I spent so much time trying to hate you that I probably ended up hurting you when I shouldn't have. I realize this. And I realize that you've made me out to be the bad guy because I moved on when you still loved me, but don't you forget where this began. Don't you dare forget what brought us to that climactic end, and who played who first. Perhaps you did forget, in which case, let me remind you...
You left me first. And second. And third. And fourth. And fifth...
You humiliated me. You made me look like a fool. You lied to me. You fed me bullshit I never should have believed. Maybe I was stupid for not leaving sooner (and I'm sure I was). Then, no one wanted to see me with you. No. One.
Now, I'm the bad one for running away. Because to everyone else you seem like the best boyfriend in the world, right? You loved me unconditionally and you were persistent to the point of emotional instability and you told everyone you loved me and how much I hurt you when I denied that love. But you know what? People can believe what they want. Maybe I was a bitch for leaving when you were finally trying to better yourself and our relationship, but I think after an infinite number of chances to change I am entitled to my decision to leave. You are I were like the game you play over and over but can never seem to win. Eventually you just have to give up--it's not worth the fight. Like that sweatshirt you wear practically every day for years, never take it off, sleep with it on, inseparable. It's comfortable, yes, but don't you think it's time you take a chance and see if there's something better?
Now, I don't mean to imply that you're a terrible person because I truly don't think you are. But everyone else seems to have forgotten where we began and the absolutely intolerable bullshit you put me through to begin with. Fortunately, I haven't. It's easy to be with someone who loves you. Comfortable. Safe. It's hard to stick to your word and jump off a cliff of unknown height into an abyss of unknown depth for an undisclosed amount of time of trials, fluctuations and loneliness. I care, as I've told you a million times before. You are a beautiful person and your friendship is unlike any other. I wouldn't say these things if I didn't care, and I certainly wouldn't care if I was that heartless bitch you make me out to be.

Anything I've ever done that has hurt you, I never meant to do. So why are you so insistent on hurting me?

Sometimes, on days when everyone else sucks, I just want to curl up on the couch with my mom and watch movies all night.

Sitting in the living room with 5 good friends, playing guitar, reminiscing about high school and our first year of college. Laughing about good times and embarrassing stories. Singing our favorite songs and trying to study.
It's nights like this that I feel grateful to be alive, as we sit here together and reflect on how far we've come since we first met.

Shots of coffee and Third Eye Blind at obscene hours of the morning.

Sometimes I wonder if you think of me as often of I think of you. But then I think I wouldn't like the answer.

Now that I no longer need to take an intensive class with an intensive lab ever again in my life, I am quite looking forward to planning my schedule so that I rarely if ever have class before 11AM. Ever.